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 WoW as MMO

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Furio
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PostSubject: WoW as MMO   Wed Jun 24, 2009 3:25 pm

World of Warcraft, commonly known as "WoW" or 'Wow, my life has gone down the shitter' is a MMORPG created by Blizzard after they decided to jump in on the MMO bandwagon. It now has 11 million subscribers, proving there is no God. It is currently the largest hub of MMO gaming for fat greasy nerds, usually weighing several thousand pounds apiece, killing internet dragons for pretend money and experience points, making them strong enough to kill bigger internet dragons. Trapped in this cycle, they play in their parents' basements, emerging only 8 hours per week to tell the world about their newest magical weapons and arena levels.

The inhabitants of the WoW forums are also among the most chronically illiterate losers on the face of the planet. In fact, WoW players are considered to be so horrible that even other MMO players spit on them.

Game
You must first begin by downloading 3 gigabytes of client and 10 terabytes of patches. It will take approximately half a month to download from their shitty P2P network. You develop eager anticipation during the wait.

After managing to get past the buggy software and buggy login screen, you are given a 10-page questionnaire on deciding what server you will spend the rest of your life on, how many piercings you want on your character's cock, guessing which broken/overpowered class to play on, and etcetera.

After that shit, you get a quick introduction and your first quest. By the time you turn that quest in and get the second, you'll quickly realize what you'll be doing the majority of the game. Your virtual you gains experience by questing (killing the same ten monsters over and over for experience), grinding (killing the same ten monsters over and over for experience), or just being lazy and following someone around "Leeching" ("watching" them kill the same ten monsters over and over for experience). This involves venturing through eight surreal worlds with fel-demons and demons and fel-demon-fels.

Once you manage to get to level 80 in EverQuest for Kids, you will probably have to join a guild if you haven't already. Guilds usually set aside a few hours each night to grab as many of their members as possible and fight some sort of demon or dragon that drops an oversized weapon. This will spark drama over who gets to loot the weapon.

After you have succeeded in getting every epic internet sword and shiny armor, you will be granted the awesome and ultimate privilege of standing in the middle of a city where other players may click you and inspect your armor for the entire duration of your logging on.

Races
World of Warcraft delivers a plethora of fictional races to escape your depressing existence:

The Alliance
The Alliance mainly consists of children and teenagers who sit on their character jacking off rather than doing their math homework, so teamwork and gameplay on this faction is unorganized disaster and AIDS. Everyone is a goddamn Night Elf.

Humans - The only available race where players can feel safe without having to know they aren't some retarded mutant like in IRL. The men are abnormally bulky and the women have unusually large heads.
Dwarves - The dwarves may be Jewish: Huge noses, long beards, retarded dances, and a racial ability to find treasure.
Gnomes - This race is commonly played by 13-year-old boys who spend all day PvPing instead of graduating middle school. Gnome players will make unfunny jokes such as "gnomercy". Common tactics to PvP are to hide inside peoples' non-clipped asses to make it impossible to hit.
Night Elves - The whores of the Warcraft world, closely modeled off of real whores, and the closest thing Blizzard has gotten to anime in order to increase sales due to all the stupid Naruto fanboys out there. Mostly played as female by men to get attention from other men and epic lewt under the guise of being a hot MySpace whore.
Draenei - The first expansion race gives the Alliance big blue russian aliens with penis-tails for their beard. They can be found in Shattrath City, getting drugs from their dealers known as Naaru.

The Horde
The Horde will always win in PvP matches and kill the dragons first. The amount of points in Internet damage they can do is directly proportional to their weight in pounds IRL. Everyone is a goddamn Blood Elf.

Orcs - Orcs are big, have an out of the ordinary skin color, and prone to anally rape small moving things with battle axes.
Trolls - No one plays these anymore. They talk like Rasta men and probably smoke a ton of mojo.
Undead - Goths use these, period.
Tauren - Half of the tauren userbase will have the word "moo" in their names because they think they are clever and internet-funny, when in reality they need to cut off circulation on their dick and set themselves on fire.
Blood Elves - Created to make both sides have a ridiculous faggot elf race. The males look like a cross between rejected Sephiroth/DragonBall Z fanart and the females are anorexic bitches. Of course, a ton of them have japanese names, along with multiple variants of "Legolas".

Classes

After choosing a race, the player is given the choice of what class they should choose for their character. Blizzard employees insert a marble dildo halfway into their asses and type on their keyboards with the base of the dildo to make changes and balance fixes in the game with upcoming patches.

Warrior - All you do is melee combat things for countless hours of your life, nothing more. No one will accept you to do anything but act as a meat shield. No one trusts you enough to DPS.
Paladin- Everybody expects this class to heal, and if you do anything else, people will hate you. Because it makes perfect sense that the class in full plate should stand in the back and heal.
Hunter - Most popular class for CASUALS. You capture poor, defenseless animals and make them your slave. It's also the base of every argument on thottbot.com to dictate that every weapon is a "hunter weapon".
Priest - The whiny healing bitch. Played only by faggots who like to attend 80-man raids on a finicky AOL connection. Their purpose is to beat the tank in aggro to die and fuck over the raid group.
Mage - Only for making food and water for the Koreans, serves as a dispenser.
Shaman - Noone gives a quarter of a shit for this class and/or forgot all about it. You're only there just to plant some stupid totems and sit in the corner to hallucinate.
Druid - The race where you just serve as another healing bitch. They are clearly a cheap hybrid-class knockoff of the superior paladins.
Warlock - Like hunters, but Satanic. If you enjoy being a huge, overpowered faggot, warlockery is for you. Requires being able to hit five buttons, those wacky warlocks! Usually played by trenchcoat-wearing goth sodomites.
Rogue- This class is only played by 13 year-old boys. Rogues only require you to be able to hit one button.
Death Knight - The exciting brand new class that everyone will make, but no one will bother inviting because there are TOO FUCKING MANY. They are as useless as warriors, as Blizzard was creative enough to make them exactly like such. The only new thing this class comes with is a character voice that sounds like they have semen trapped in their lungs.

Expansions
The Boring Crusade - The first expansion for the game lets you go through the Dark Portal. It also lets you go into the Black Temple and fight Illidan. You spend around $100 for the expansion and prepaid game cards to grind your character to level 70, where the end-game content there became obsolete.

Wrath of the Bitch King - The second expansion takes place in Canadia, where all the homosexual zombies are at. The mascot emo faggot on the boxart that everyone was excited to raid up and kill makes no useful appearance in the game other than a worthless quest giver and 4 scripted cutscene events. Instead, it is your job to go kill frozen stone French giants.You must pay $100 more to get the expansion and the separate game time. $200 if you want to get the collectors edition to get an in-game dragon pet and a book.

Guilds
Like every MMORPG, in order to see the vast majority of the game, players will need to join a guild. The purpose of a guild is to enable the guild master and his best friends to get run through the high level dungeons so they can gear up their characters, so they can go into the next dungeon and get the next set of gear for themselves. It is the responsibility of the other guild members to somehow get their own gear so they can help keep their online masters clothed in the most fashionable of equipment.
Guilds tend to be a great source of drama, especially when epic loots are involved. Due to this, guilds seem to form up and dissolve every second.

WoW "Celebrities"
A WoW celebrity is someone who constantly craves attention in the WoW universe because he/she/it knows they fail hard IRL. Either by saying random stuff, typing like this: lolz i r the prince of da serva, trolling the forums, or just plain being faggots. There are some on every server, and that is why they added the /ignore. Lecturing WoW faggots in the game results in losing the game, so don't even try.
WoW forum "trolls" are a unique brand of mouth breathing fucktards. Unawares that outside of the safe haven of their mothers' collective basement, they serve as a reminder that you could be worse off in life. Evidence that post-natal abortion should be legalized.

Sex
Although WoW faggots never engage in heterosex IRL, they often "Pw" or "gank" each other within the game when not standing around cities shouting "LFG..." or "WTS..." PVP has become such a dominant force in WoW that new PVP servers are being opened all the time, including RP-PVP servers.
One of the reasons WoW faggots abstain from sex is that they prefer to be with "their own kind"", but since WoWers rarely leave their homes (busy with the srs biz raiding), this is thought to be a filthy lie. In short, it's better that they don't breed.
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Orpheus

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PostSubject: Re: WoW as MMO   Wed Jun 24, 2009 3:45 pm

Furio wrote:

WoW "Celebrities"
A WoW celebrity is someone who constantly craves attention in the WoW universe because he/she/it knows they fail hard IRL. Either by saying random stuff, typing like this: lolz i r the prince of da serva, trolling the forums, or just plain being faggots. There are some on every server, and that is why they added the /ignore.
...
Evidence that post-natal abortion should be legalized.

Now who could this be?

I think you even named yourself literary "prince of da serva" once Steel Very Happy
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Steelhoof

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PostSubject: Re: WoW as MMO   Wed Jun 24, 2009 4:19 pm

King of Orgrimmar maybe Sad But hey i got a RL i can prove it !!!!
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Plunkk

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PostSubject: Re: WoW as MMO   Wed Jun 24, 2009 6:57 pm

Steelhoof wrote:
Queen of Orgrimmar maybe Sad But hey i got a RL i can prove it !!!!
Fixed*
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Akisto

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PostSubject: Re: WoW as MMO   Wed Jun 24, 2009 10:07 pm

Barroks club of Barrok!
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Plunkk

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PostSubject: Re: WoW as MMO   Thu Jun 25, 2009 12:35 am

Furio wrote:

Shaman - Noone gives a quarter of a shit for this class and/or forgot all about it. You're only there just to plant some stupid totems and sit in the corner to hallucinate.

No
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